Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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