Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
