Someone shit on the floor
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
