my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
