bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
