I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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