So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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