the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize