Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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