yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
