I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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