My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
