Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Two words: nipple clamps
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