Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
