dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
