y did u give ur computer a hand job?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
