dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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