just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
