GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
