Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
