I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
