I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
