Plan B is the new Plan A
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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