Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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