So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
