One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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