You're so nebulous sometimes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
