I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
