grandma shit on top of the toilet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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