everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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