Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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