i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
