i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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