Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
