I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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