I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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