My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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