It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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