She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
