I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
