OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
