I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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