Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize