New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
