Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Shame - the story of my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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