OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
