He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
