Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
