im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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