I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
