Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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