i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
