I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
