If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
