My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am one with the molecules
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
