Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
