I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
