I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
