I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
