pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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