well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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