Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
