I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize