she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
