she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
