Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your penis caused this!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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