he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
