i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
