i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
