I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
