I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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