I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
