I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
