And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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