o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How's work?
Spinning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
