Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
