I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
