I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We have started to decorate penises.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
