Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
