I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
