I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
