I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
