how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
