I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
