Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
