ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
