you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
