Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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