you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have post one night stand depression
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